Your decision
by candy-belle
Summary: After the eye opening revelation of their previous encounter, John is stuggling to cope with what Evan is offering him, Slash  fic with Evan and John featuring Angst, D/s, hurt/comfort, friendship. Follows on from my fic TRUST ME
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Your decision (1/?)  
><strong>Rating:<strong> 18  
><strong>Summary:<strong> After the eye opening revelation of their previous encounter, John is stuggling to cope with what Evan is offering him  
><strong>Featuring:<strong> Evan/John, Randy  
><strong>Warning:<strong> Angst, D/s, hurt/comfort, friendship  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> This story is based on characters/people of WWE. No copyright or trademark infringement is intended and no money is being made.  
><strong>Notes:<strong> This continues the story started in Trust me it would help to read it frst but not totally necessary. As always this is unbeta'd so any mistakes you find, please, please, please forgive (I mean it PLEASE!)

X x x x x x x x

"What the hell's gotten into John tonight?" mused Randy pausing to watch as his best friend danced in the middle of a circle of rats all of who were vying for his attention.

"No idea," murmured Evan, the high flyer looking surprisingly subdued for once. The dark brown eyes were locked onto John watching as he grabbed the nearest rat and started to kiss her to the squeals and cheers of the surrounding crowd.

"Since when has he taken to whoreing it up with women again?" growled Randy, not liking what he was seeing. While neither of them were saints, they had, over the past few years, settled down and hardly ever dipped their figurative toes in the expanding rat pool.

Evan simply shrugged in response taking a sip of his beer before tearing his eyes away and looking at the ground.

Frowning at the subdue response Randy nudged him asking with surprising compassion, "You okay?"

Evan flicked him a glance then offering him a smile that while broad was lacking in its normal warmth, he replied softly, "I'm fine, don't worry about me." Randy went to interrupt but Evan insisted, "I mean it. You don't need to worry about me. I'm fine."

Randy started to protest but then he saw something flicker deep within the brown pools staring at him and he fell silent nodding his head slightly not quite certain what he was agreeing to.

Taking a last look at the dance floor Evan let out a soft sigh then pushing away from the post he had been leaning against he wandered away the compact body sliding easily through the packed club.

Randy watched him go, frowning to himself and making a mental note to check in on the smaller man later on in the night. Glancing at the dance floor he let out a soft growl as he watched John disengage from one rat and move onto the next with barely a breath in-between. Knowing instinctively that something was wrong, he set his bottle down and headed straight for his best friend determined to separate John from the rat currently grinding herself against him in a poor attempt to dance.

X x x x x x x x

"What the…get off me!" yelled John as Randy finally let go of him, shoving him roughly against the wall.

Randy had dragged John off the dance floor using all of his power and the art of surprise to manoeuvre the resisting man through the crowd. Having finally reached the fire escape Randy had simply kicked it open and shoved John out into the street. Letting the door close behind them but making sure it didn't lock Randy glared at John and asked, "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"With me?" exclaimed John dusting off his shirt and shoving Randy backwards at the same time, "You're the nutcase who dragged me off the dance floor. I was having fun until you..."

"You were making a fool of yourself!" growled Randy glaring at his best friend, "You were making a spectacle of yourself.

"So what?" demanded John, "What the fuck has it got to do with you? So what if I..."

"You don't whore around anymore, John," rumbled Randy softly, visibly fighting to keep his temper in check, "You haven't whored around for a few years. So why start now? What's changed? What's made you act like the biggest male slut around? Tell me what's happened."

"Nothing," replied John far too quickly to be convincing, "Nothing's changed or happened. What makes you think something's changed, I…"

"Because I know you."

John gulped. He couldn't look Randy in the eye. He simply couldn't do it. He knew he was whoring it up. He knew by dancing with all those rats and kissing them he was trying to offset what he had done the other night. But it wasn't working. The more he messed around with the more-than-willing rats the more he realised they did nothing for him. Sure they were warm and soft and had curves in the right places – well most of them – but they weren't what he was longing for. They weren't the hard compact muscles or the sheer raw strength that could reduce him to a mewling mess of delight. He flicked Randy a look and with the fight almost visibly draining away he ran his hand over his face and hair and murmured, "Was I that obvious?"

"Yes," snarled Randy glaring at him, "Even a blind man could see you were over compensating for something." He paused then stepping closer he asked, "What's wrong, Johnny? What's happened?"

John didn't answer. He didn't know how to. How could he tell his best friend that the first moment's peace he'd felt in years was the moment he knelt before their mutual friend and allowed himself to be ordered around. He screwed his eyes shut his hand balling into a tight fist. The words burnt his throat but he still didn't answer as Randy repeated the question. He didn't even look up when he felt an all too familiar hand snake around the back of his neck and give him that all-too comforting squeeze.

Randy sighed and shaking his head he rumbled, "Look you're obviously going through some shit but acting the player isn't going to help." He closed the gap between them and resting his forehead against John's he added softly, "What's wrong, Johnny? Tell me."

John stayed silent. He screwed his eyes shut before finally pulling away breaking the hold and glaring at Randy. He wanted to scream at him to mind his own business but no one knew him the way Randy did. No one understood him. He gave a little smile, well maybe one person understood him better. Maybe one person actually understood what he needed.

"Johnny?"

The soft purr of his name from Randy made John sigh. He knew what he had to do, he just didn't know if he had the strength to actually do it. Pulling away from Randy he looked at his best friend, then shaking his head he pushed past him and headed back into the club, not even stopping when Randy called out to him. He simply kept walking, hoping the noise and crush of bodies inside the club would fill the growing void he was feeling deep within his soul.

xxxxx

John raised his hand and hesitated. He was torn between knocking on the door or running as fast as he could in the opposite direction. He swayed slightly. Between bouts of making out with random rats and downing more alcohol than that he had in months his night had gone from bad to worse. Leaning forward he rested his head against the door and sighed. He longed to be on the other side of the door to feel that same contentment he'd felt when Evan had stroked his hair and told him to stop thinking. But he couldn't. He couldn't shake off the years of conditioning that as a big guy he had to be the stronger partner, he had to be the dominant, he had to "be the man". He screwed his eyes shut trying not to remember the way it had felt when Evan had owned him and whispered, "It's not fair."

"John?"

He jumped in surprise. Sniffing and wiping his face quickly he glanced back over his shoulder and exclaimed, "What...why aren't you in your room?"

"I was out," chuckled Evan before tilting his head and asking sarcastically, "Is that okay with you?"

John winced a the unspoken reprimand in Evan's voice. Offering his most goofy grin he murmured, "Of course its okay I just..I…" he suddenly paused then blurted out ,"Where were you?" trying desperately not to sound clingy.

"I was with Mike," replied Evan his voice deceptively soft.

"Mike?" murmured John feeling his stomach flip at the thought of Evan possible being with anyone else, "Why? What were you doing with him?"

"Talking," snapped Evan, "It's what friends do they talk." He levelled John with a firm stare then asked hoarsely, "Why are you leaning against my door?"

John could feel himself blushing. He could feel his cheeks colouring up. He wanted to say he wasn't pining for the fierce loving Evan had shown him the other night. He wanted to deny the fact that he was craving that moment's peace he found when Evan took control of each and every thought process leaving him free to simply be.

"John," murmured Evan softly, "I asked you a question." He stepped closer the small frame actually backing John's larger bulk p against the hard door, "What are you doing leaning against my door?"

"I needed to see you!" confessed out John before his brain had caught up with what his mouth was saying, "I wanted to feel content again!"

Evan started at him then with a soft almost understanding smile the high flyer nodded approvingly. Without speaking he reached into his back pocket, pulled out his key card and swiped it against the reader. As the little light turned green he flicked John a look then simply pushed his door open and cocked his headed.

John gazed at him; almost drowning in the dark depths of Evan's eyes before realising the smaller man was waiting for him to move. Hurrying past Evan, John stumbled into the room catching hold of the doorpost as he did. The room swayed violently around him as the amount of alcohol in his system caught up with him.

Sighing Evan shook his head and without saying a word he simply shut the door, caught John's elbow and steered the wavering lump towards the nearest bed. Forcing John to sit on the bed Evan stared at him before asking softly, "What did you mean you wanted to feel content again?"

John didn't look up. He stared at his hands, his gaze fixed on his thumbs. He wanted to tell Evan the truth but once again he found himself struggling to form the words, he found himself embarrassed and confused about the feelings coursing through him.

"John?"

The soft yet firm voice finally made him look up. And when he did he felt as if his heart would break. Evan was a few feet away, hands resting on his hips, watching him with the most indulgent understanding expression John had ever seen.

"Well?"

"The...the other night..." stammered John fighting hard to make his voice work, "I...it was...I've never felt...it was the best few hours of my life and I...its scares the shit out of me that I would want that but I cant stop thinking about what we did about what you did and how it made me feel and how nothing else matches. I mean those girls down there I wasn't even getting aroused and they doing so damn intense stuff. A week ago I'd have probably fucked at least two of them and..." he winced at the look Evan gave him. Giving an embarrassed cough he tried to pull himself back together but he couldn't escape the look Evan was giving him. Bowing his head he murmured, "I'm sorry."

Evan didn't react at first he simply stared at him, the brown eyes boring into John's skull before very gently reaching out and stroking the shorn blond hair and murmuring, "My poor confused, Darling. You really got yourself worked up, didn't you?"

John just nodded. His eyes fluttered close and he couldn't help the happy little mew that escaped his lips as Evan continued to caress his hair. Without speaking Evan eased John forward, letting the big man rest against him. Almost instantly John nuzzled his face against Evan's stomach, loving the sudden feeling of peace that flooded through his system. Wrapping his arms loosely around Evan's waist, he closed his eyes drawing strength from the quiet embrace.

Letting John take his comfort for a few silent minutes, Evan sighed then stepping back and forcing John to lower his arms, he schooled his features into a firm expression before saying," John, we need to talk."

He waited for the big man to look at him, waiting as the blue eyes tried to focus on him. As John blinked himself into a slightly more level state of consciousness Evan continued, "I'm disappointed, John. Disappointed that you tried to run away from what we shared. You didn't have to make such a fool of yourself in that club. I told you no one would know what happened between us and I meant it, Darling. I will never betray you but for you to go and act like a two bit whore is not acceptable…" he pointedly ignored the whimper and look John gave him, "...I refuse to consider a relationship with a man who is in denial. Now you have two choices you can either ..."

"Relationship?" murmured John, his alcohol slowed brain finally catching up with what Evan said.

"Yes," chuckled Evan, "You think I'd do this with just anyone?"

He stepped closer and sliding a hand down he cupped John's face, tilting it up so he could stare down into the blue eyes, "If you're willing I'd love this to be something more than a one time thing. But there are ground rules, Darling. Namely if we do this, if we pursue this, then you need to give up the rats and the backstage encounters. You belong to me exclusively..." John started to protest but Evan carried on, "Just as I will be exclusive to you." He paused letting John process what he was saying.

Slowly as the penny dropped John gave a dopey grin asking, "You'd belong to me?"

"Of course. I meant what I said about a relationship and those are a two way process. Yes I'll be the dominant, yes I'll expect you to obey each and every order I give you without question, but in return Darling I'll take such good care of you. I'll help you, I'll give you that peace you're looking for."

John looked up at him with such a hopefully expression Evan couldn't help bursting out laughing. Bending down he brushed a kiss over John's lips murmuring, "But I mean it. There are ground rules that I will insist on you obeying and which will incur punishment if broken." He waited a moment, absently petting John's hair, letting his words sink in. He watched John's forehead crease in thought then smooth out again as John obviously came to a decision.

"Punishment?" slurred John suddenly giving a very wicked grin, "You mean you'd…mmmm, kinky."

Evan chuckled indulgently and leaning back down he brushed his lips over John's again, murmuring firmly, "Oh darling you may think its kinky and fun now but believe me if I have to punish you it will be a proper punishment. It won't be some role play crap." He held John's gaze his voice becoming harder and harder until it was all John could do not to squirm in his seat, "If I have to punish you properly you won't be walking straight for a week and for once you'll be damn grateful for this jorts that you wear."

"But the choice is yours," said Evan gently, his voice slipping back into the soft lilt that called to something inside of John, "This has to be your choice. I can't make it for you." He paused then with a final lingering kiss he pulled back before adding, "And you've got as long as my shower takes to make your decision."

Then without warning he turned on his heel and disappeared into the bathroom, leaving John alone and very confused on the foot of the bed.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

John stared at the bathroom door. Nothing seemed to be working. Not his brain, not his mouth, not his hands, not his legs, nothing worked. He just sat there, frozen in place, numb to the core as Evan's softly spoken offer seeped through his being. It was what he wanted, he knew that deep down. He wanted that peace and stillness he only ever found when he let himself obey that soft lilting voice. But as much as he wanted it, it scared him as well. He wasn't supposed to be the submissive one. He wasn't supposed to be the one who willingly knelt down before anyone, and certainly not before another man.

He thought back over the numerous lovers and hooks-ups he'd had, of the number of times he'd been in the driving seat, the times when he'd been in control and then it struck him - he had never once felt happy. Sure he'd got off, sure he'd enjoyed himself but not the way he had the other night. He'd never felt the happiness that had warmed his very soul when he'd lain curled against Evan, using the younger man's stomach as a pillow while the smaller man had stroked his hair and praised him for being a good boy.

He screwed his eyes shut. He didn't know what to do. He honestly didn't know. Biting back a desperate whimper he snapped his eyes open and staring at the closed door he wondered what Evan honestly thought of him. Did Evan view him as something less than a man because of what he'd done, because of what he'd allowed the smaller man to do to him? A heavy frown creased his forehead as he desperately tried to work out what to do.

Running a hand over his face and up over his hair he slumped down. In all his years he had never felt so confused. And in all his years he'd never felt more like a coward than he did at that moment because without consulting his brain his body started to move. Not towards the closed bathroom but towards the main door. He started to move towards the door that led back out into the cold lonely corridor and back to his even colder and lonelier room. He paused with his fingers curled around the handle, torn between giving into the overwhelming urge to submit and the need to still be the man. Bowing his head, he screwed his eyes shut and swore softly under his breath, his voice shaking more than it ever had in all of his years.

"John?"

The soft call made him freeze. Not daring to turn around, not wanting Evan to see the state he was in John gave a non-committal grunt in response.

"You don't have to decide tonight."

John held his breath waiting for Evan to say something else, waiting for him to add some sort of condition. But there was nothing. Only silence. A silence in which he could hear Evan moving around the room, the younger man obviously going about his nightly routine as if there was nothing wrong, as if John wasn't facing the biggest challenge of his entire life.

Finally unable to keep silent any longer John glanced back over his shoulder and asked hoarsely, "What do you mean?"

Evan looked up and favoured him with a warm smile. He was on the far side of the room just pulling on a pair of sleeping shorts. As he set them on his hips he turned to face John properly and with his voice softer and more lilting that John had ever heard it he replied, "It means what it means - you don't have to rush into a decision."

He held John's gaze then giving a soft sigh he padded closer towards the big man, chuckling softly when John subconsciously back up pressing himself flat against the door as if trying to avoid any contact with him. Not that Evan was deterred. He simply raised a hand and brushing a knuckle along John's cheek, he soothed, "My poor darling, you really are confused."

Then with another soft sigh he stepped back, giving John little space before adding, "I meant what I said. No pressure, no rush. We can take this as slow as you like or even not at all. I want you to be happy, John," he paused before promising, "that's all I want. For you to be happy."

His words hung between them having an almost tangible effect on John. He gulped loudly then running a hand over his hair, he looked down at Evan and confessed bitterly, "I'm scared."

"I know," breathed Evan, "I know, darling. It must be so frightening for someone who's always been in charge, who's always had to make the decision to be offered the chance to simply be." He held John's gaze then with a soft understanding smiling flickering over his lips he leant up and brushing a kiss over John's half open mouth, he asked, "Stay with me tonight?"

John blinked in surprise. Licking his lower lip he could Evan's kiss, a lingering hint of toothpaste and something that was uniquely Evan. And he wanted more – god help him, he wanted nothing more than to wrap himself around the compact figure in front of him but even as he tried to move his body refused. His years of conditioning, years of being taught to be the man, prevented him from doing it. Instead he gave a harsh growl of annoyance and snapped, "I'm fucking pathetic. I..."

"No!"

He flinched at the sharp reprimand.

"You are not pathetic" corrected Evan firmly, his face hardening as he glared at John, "Don't you ever think you are pathetic. To submit to someone else takes real strength. To be a sub takes more courage than you ever need to be a dominant."

He caught John's face when the bigger man went to turn away. And with a surprisingly strong grip he forced John to look at him as he added, "Anyone can stick their dick in a hole and claim to be a top but to submit, to do what you did for me the other night…" his voice trailed off into a warm little chuckle, "Oh darling, that takes so much courage and I am so proud that I got to see you display that courage for me."

He leant back in, his grip on John's lower jaw softening until it was barely a caress. Pressing a kiss to John's open mouth, Evan slowly pulled back and shooting John a bewitchingly seductive smile he let his hand fall away, trailing it down John's chest as he drawled, "Now, are you gonna stop being silly and come to bed with your master?"

X x x x x x x x

John had never felt so unsure about anything as he lay on his back staring up at the ceiling. Evan lay beside him the high flyer propped up on one elbow staring down at him. There was a soft understanding smile on Evan's face and as John flicked him a look Evan chuckled and teased, "You know you can lie closer to me. I'm not going to attack you and you look like you're about to fall out of bed."

"I'm not," replied John almost petulantly.

He was lying and Evan was right. He was so close to the edge of the bed if he even shifted his weight he would tumbled straight out and end up in a pile on the floor.

"John," there was something about the way Evan growled his name than made him gulp. Flicking the smaller man another look he let out a sigh then confessed, "I...I don't know what you want me to do."

"Oh darling," chuckled Evan, "I don't want you to do anything except relax."

Shaking his head he turned away a moment flicking the bedside light off, plunging the room into a surprisingly comforting darkness.

Settling down against the pillows, Evan lifted an arm and ordered gently, "Well come here then."

John hesitated then when Evan gave a little annoyed cough he found himself obeying, scooting closer until he could rest his head on Evan's bare chest. As he curled his arm around John's shoulder Evan murmured, "Next time I give you an order I expect an instant reaction."

"Okay," replied John without even realising what he was saying. As soon as the word escaped his lips he tensed, the hand that had been resting idly on Evan's chest tensed into a fist. John held his breath waiting for Evan to make a comment but the smaller man didn't. He just shuffled slightly, silently rearranging John into a more comfortable position for them both, before brushing a kiss against John's hair and asking, "There not so bad is it?"

"No," grunted John, licking his lips as he tried to bring his nerves under control. He could do this. He told himself he could just lie in someone else arms and let them be the strong, he could do it, couldn't he?

"I can hear you thinking," chuckled Evan softly yawning slightly as he did.

"I'm sorry," offered John actually quite upset at the idea he'd annoyed Evan in anyway.

"Don't be," soothed Evan, "I'd be very surprised if you managed to cope with all of this in one go. But I do mean it. I just want to take care of you that's all," he rubbed John's back sighing when he felt how tense the thick muscles were, "You need to relax," ordered Evan, "Or else you're never gonna get to sleep."

"Sl...sleep?" asked John, his voice catching in his throat.

"Of course," explained Evan softly, "I told you - we're taking this slowly." He paused to brush another soft kiss against John's forehead before ordering, "Now go to sleep, you've had a long day and an even longer night."

"But I thought you wanted to fuck me again?" protested John desperately ignoring how needy he sounded.

"Are you really that eager?" teased Evan gently, his hand coming up to stroke John's hair, "No Darling, right now we're going to sleep. You're in no fit state to be making any major decisions and when we do start this properly, I don't want you having one grain of doubt." He let his voice fade a moment before adding, "But maybe, if you're a good boy and go to sleep now, then maybe in the morning you can show me a little glimpse of that amazing submissive courage again."

John lay stunned into silence. He felt rather than saw Evan fall asleep and as the smaller man's breathing turned into the contented snuffles of a man at ease with the world John turned slightly in his embrace and stared up at him. He looked so peaceful, so at rest John felt a pang of envy but then as he remembered those last softly spoken words a ghost of a smile broke over his face. Blossoming into a lopsided grin, John snuggled down and nuzzling his face against Evan's shoulder, he closed his eyes and slipped into the first proper sleep he'd enjoyed in years.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3

John woke with a grunt. Screwing his eyes shut he gave a loan moan. His head was killing him and his mouth felt as if something had died in there. Trying to remember what had happened to leave him feeling so shitty, he slowly sifted through the jumbled memories from the night before – the long show, the club, the drinks, the rats, more drinks, the fight with Randy followed by an overwhelming feeling of depression and then...

He sat bolt up right in bed gasping for air. Running his hands over his face, he murmured, "Fuck no." He balled his fists then using what little courage remained he glanced to his right and froze.

It was real.

He was really in Evan's bed, sleeping with the man who had fuelled his dreams for the last few months.

Covering his mouth with his hand he tried to bring his panic under control. He couldn't remember what had happened once he'd gotten to Evan's room. Everything was a blur. He glanced down at himself frowning when he realised he was still wearing his clubbing clothes. That didn't make sense to him. How could he be in bed with Evan but still dressed?

He bit his lower lip then letting out a long low breath he carefully swung his legs out of bed perching on the edge of the mattress. Bowing his head he rested his face in his hands wondering what the hell had happened. Would Evan judge him for it? Would the small powerful fighter think less of him for whatever they had done? He reasoned they had to have done something – didn't they? There was no way they could be in bed together and not have done something.

He turned back and stared down at the sleeping figure beside him. He let his eyes roam over Evan's exposed torso, his gaze lingering on Evan's face, amazed at how peaceful he looked, how calm and relaxed. For a moment a tiny flicker of jealously reared it heads. It wasn't fair that Evan should be so calm and comfortable with whatever the hell it was that happened between them. But even as the thought formed John dismissed it, physically shaking his head, muttering hoarsely, "Its not his fault his I'm a fucking coward."

He gave a sudden groan as his body deciding to remind him exactly why he shouldn't drink as much as he had the previous night. Barely making it to the bathroom he bent over the bowl of the toilet and started to pay the price for over indulgence in one of the worse ways possible.

X x x x x x x x

As the last wave of nauseas ripped through him John pulled back, whimpering softly, not caring just how pathetic the noise was. It wasn't until a plastic cup of water appeared in front of him that he even realised Evan was awake.

He took the cup in stunned embarrassed silence. Not that Evan seemed to notice. The small man simply offered him a faint smile before reaching over grabbing one of the complimentary flannels. He then held it under the cold water tap. Once he was content with the temperature he flicked the tap off and then - still in total silence – rolled the soaking flannel up and processed to gently wipe John's face before pressing the ice cool material to the back of John's neck.

Burning with embarrassment John clutched the plastic cup. He was totally unsure what to say or do but as the moments dragged on he found himself actually relaxing and even enjoying the simple gentle care Evan was giving him.

"Feel any better?" asked Evan softly a few minutes later, the smaller man now perched on the edge of the bath as he tended to John.

John nodded but he didn't dare look up. He didn't want to see the look in Evan's eyes. He knew it would be disappointment or worse - disgust. He wouldn't blame the other man for kicking him out, for slinging his hung-over arse back out into the hallway.

"Do you think you can make it back to bed?"

John actually considered the question before answering haltingly, "I...I think so."

"Good," chuckled Evan warmly, "Because I'm not sure I can actually carry you all that way."

John's head snapped up and he stared at Evan in total and utter shock.

"You...you're not kicking me out?"

"Why would I do that?" asked Evan genuinely confused.

John just stared at him totally and utterly thrown by the turn of events.

Sensing that John was freaking out Evan crouched in front of the big man. Reaching forward he slid a finger under John's chin and gently forced him to look at him. Searching John's face Evan shook his head and sighed wearily, "My poor darling, you really aren't used to having anyone take care of you, are you?"

John shook his head, trying unsuccessfully to pull his face away from the surprisingly strong grip.

"Well get used to it," ordered Evan softly, "I told you last night, I'm going to look after you. It's about time someone did." He got to his feet and holding out a hand he waited for John to take it.

John though didn't move. He simply sat there staring up at the smaller man, blinking rapidly as he tried to process everything that was happening. As the seconds dragged away and as Evan's hand remained extended towards him, John suddenly found the whole situation overwhelming and without meaning to, he demanded, "What happened?"

Evan titled his head gazing at him then slowly as he realised what John was implying, he shook his head and chuckled sadly, "Nothing happened between us, John. You turned up drunk and in need of company. We talked, I made you an offer, you got scared, we talked some more and then we went to sleep. That's all, Darling. Nothing happened between us."

Locking his eyes with John he added firmly, "Nor would I ever take advantage of you of like that either. I meant what I said – I want to make to you happy, not manipulate you into a cheap drunken fuck." He let his words sink in before ordering, "Now unless you went to spend the rest of the night in here on the cold floor I suggest you get off your arse and get back to bed,"

Then without waiting for John to respond he tuned on his heel and stormed out of the room leaving John confused, conflicted and if he was honest disturbingly turned on as well by Evan's little show of power.

X x x x x x x x x x x

By the time John padded sheepishly back into the main room, Evan was already back in bed. Hesitating in the doorway John wondered why Evan cared about him. He had never had anyone take such care of him the way the smaller man just had Normally he was on his own when the hangover kicked in, alone or worse he'd have to throw whatever rat he'd picked up that night out before he could wallow in his own misery. A few times Randy had been with him but then they had both been as bad as each other and neither in any sort of shape to take care of the other. But Evan had sat with him, had taken care of him and if he was honest it scared the crap out of him. It scared him because as much as he might deny it he longed for that soft silent care to never end. Running a hand over his hair he gave a sad little sigh. One that was loud enough for Evan to hear.

Without turning over Evan called, "Either come to bed or take the couch but stop standing in the doorway."

John blinked in surprise as he found himself moving toward the bed – apparently his body having no trouble obeying the simple command even if his brain was a few seconds behind. Hesitating as he reached the other side of the bed he flicked a look at Evan and realised he was being watched, the dark chocolate eyes were glued to him as if watching and noting every movement.

"I won't bite," teased Evan grinning vampishly as John glared at him. Sitting up he pulled he gazed at John before huffing, "Take your shirt and jeans then get into bed. Its still early we can get a few hours sleep before we need to think about hitting the road for the next show."

John nodded and found he was undressing himself before his brain caught up. Freezing he glanced back over his shoulder and saw once again Evan was watching him like a hawk. For some reason John liked the fact Evan was watching him, it made him strangely safe. And without knowing why he stared to undress slightly slower putting a littler effort into how he moved. For some reason he wanted to please Evan, to make the smaller man happy with what he saw. Just as he started to ease his jeans down over his hips Evan gave a little chuckle and called, "Darling, I know you're trying to give me a show but your actual co-ordination is leaving a lot to be desired."

John frowned and straightening up he look over his shoulder asking, "You...you don't like what you see?"

"Oh I like," soothed Evan sliding out of bed "I like it a lot. Its just, well.." he gave a little chuckle and shook his head explaining, "You've got your shirt half off and you're trying to slide your jeans down without undoing the button and ..." he gave another soft chuckle and batting John's hands away he took over the process of undressing the less than co-ordinated John.

Not that John minded. For the first time in his life being undressed by someone else didn't feel demeaning. It didn't make him feel embarrassed, it made him feel loved and that was a whole new terrifying emotion. One that had him gasping and snatching at Evan's hands as the smaller man reached for his jeans. Stilling his hands Evan regarded John a moment then, as if he could see the rising panic, he soothed," Relax darling. I'm just gonna slide these down then we can go back to bed."

"I'm sorry," blurted out John.

"For what?" asked Evan slowly frowning as he eased the jeans down over John's ample backside and down the firm thighs.

"For...for..." John hesitated. He wasn't sure what he was apologising for but he just knew he wanted to say sorry to the smaller man.

"Left foot," ordered Evan grunting slightly when John gripped his head using it as a balancing aid as he lifted first one foot then the other out of the jeans. Throwing the jeans to the side Evan got back to his feet and regarding the now near naked John he gave a shake of his head. He went to walk back to his side of the bed but John's hand lashed out and curled around his foreman, halting his journey. Evan stilled then slowly following the line of John's arm up he held John's gaze waiting silently for him to speak.

John took a deep breath and then feeling more out of his depth than ever before in his life and feeling more than a little stupid, he mumbled, "I want it."

Evan didn't reply. He simply regarded John, his head titling to the side slightly as he searched the big man's eyes. Then with a slow smile blossoming over his lips he nodded and leaning in he brushed a kiss over John's cheek and breathed," I know. Now stop being silly and come to bed. We both need more sleep..."

"But I want it!" exclaimed John the words out before his brain could catch them.

Evan laughed a soft fond chuckle and running his finger along the edge of John's jaw he shook his head and corrected, "I know you do, darling and believe me so do I, but right now you need sleep more than you need sex." He pressed his finger to John's lips before the big man could protest adding firmly, "If you want this, John, if you really want what I'm offering you then you need to learn that when I give you an order you obey it."

He held John's eyes and with a smile softening the firm expression he leant in and pressed a lingering kiss to John's lips promising, "Besides why limited ourselves to a few stolen moments when, if you're a good boy and wait like I'm ordering you to, we can play as long as you like tonight."

John felt the normal panic rise in his chest at the prospect of submitting to someone but at the same time he felt an overwhelming sense of longing. He wanted that. He wanted to be able to put himself into Evan's care, to simply give himself over no matter what the rest of the world might think of him. For a moment Randy's face floated through his mind and he felt his throat constrict at the thought of his best friend. What would Randy say if he knew? Would Randy judge him? Would he be appalled by it? Would he disown him? As the idea of his very best friend disowning him grew in his mind John suddenly became aware of Evan talking to him

"...John?" called the smaller man, the worry all too audible in his voice, "Darling, what's wrong?"

John didn't reply but then he didn't have to. The fear of what was being offered was written over his face. With an understanding sigh Evan leant in and stealing a slowly kiss from John's open mouth he promised, "I swear no one will know. Not from me. I told you, Darling, I want to make you happy and that means keeping you safe as well. I won't ever tell your secret." He pulled back and offering John a disarmingly beautiful smile he added, "And believe me anyone who upsets you will be feeling the full force of my wrath. And I do mean anyone."

Then without breaking the eye contact he held out his hand and said, "Now come on, come back to bed, Darling. We've got a long day ahead of us and if you good an even longer night." He stretched his hand out further waiting for John to take it waiting for John to make that final step and truely accept what was being offered.

TBC


End file.
